never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
