i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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