I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
