Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
