hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
