am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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