Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
