Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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