Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
