listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
