I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
