My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize