At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
