Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's never too late to be topless.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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