I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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