Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
