I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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