I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
