if only i could text you this smell
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
