We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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