in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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