Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
