he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
