That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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