I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
