That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
