When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
