you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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