I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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