No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
