Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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