I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
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well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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