ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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