Are we in a gay sports bar?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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