Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
