wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
there is glitter all over my balls
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