ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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