dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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