Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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