Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
