Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
