At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
