My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
