"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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