I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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