i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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