Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't deserve a penis
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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