Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
