this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize