You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
