he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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