theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
