yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
