I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
