I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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