What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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