You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
