I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
