can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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