It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
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I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
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please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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