youre lurking in front of me
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
