WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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