I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
