And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Randomize
