and i looked up. we had an audience...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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