is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
