What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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