Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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