You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
