I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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