You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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