..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
