theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
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