If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
