im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
