so that wasnt chicken after all
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
