For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
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I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
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We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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